Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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