I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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