Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
