do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
