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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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