Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
worst night to have a conscience
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
