Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
