sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
