Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize