Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
