Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize