She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My penis needs a shock collar
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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