Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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