yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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