After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
