She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
