He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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