we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
