first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
