I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
