I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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