she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
