Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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