The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
