Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
