I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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