dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
