quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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