my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
