I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
