lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize