how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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