My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
