I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
