You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
