i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
