wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
cat food counts as protein by the way
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
