You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize