They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
