haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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