Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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