I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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