I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
