3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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