I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
