I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
