Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We have started to decorate penises.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize