it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
