I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
