You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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