you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
