i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
