if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
