It was confusing and full of hummus
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
