I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
