Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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