I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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