Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
