Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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