You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
