i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
