Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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