Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
