i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He did a backflip because drugs
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