I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
