I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
