please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
