weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
