Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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