The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
