He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
