Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
