I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
