***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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