you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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